Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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