Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
