just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
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