He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
