If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
