Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
