There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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