He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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