Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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