I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
