I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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