I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
