If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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