I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
