Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
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