I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize