I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
