my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
