I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
