my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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