just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Randomize
