you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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