Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
im on a boat
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