eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
