Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
