if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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