I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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