This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Randomize
