omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize