no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
