I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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