I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
