i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
