thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
