This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
