i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
