The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
