SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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