Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
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