Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
