it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
