we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
