how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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