so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
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