it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
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