Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
