so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
