I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
