Michael Bay diarrhea
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
3pm strippers are depressing
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
