I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
