Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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