I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
ttyl tear gas
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
