bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
