im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize