We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
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