I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
It's blow job season.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize