guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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