when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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