Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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