next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
