So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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