you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
