even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
