I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
