Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize