My nipple is on Facebook.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
well I can't set my house on fire every night
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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