one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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