Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
