woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
