Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
