either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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