Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
