It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize